Why Two Years of Wasting Your Time Might Be Just What You Need
2020 is here, full of resolutions. And all you feel like doing is hitting the snooze button. Go ahead and do it.
Do it again tomorrow, and the day after. Do it for two more years. You owe it to yourself. As a matter of fact, you need to do it. It’s the head on your neck what’s on the line.
I’ve spent two years in hibernation mode, and you can bet I’ve felt guilty about it. How could I not feel guilty? Everywhere I turn there are beautiful faces in happy places. Masses of the accomplished ones moving in the right direction. The masters of social media calling the shots.
But I haven’t felt guilty all the time. I’ve spent so much time doing nothing that I’ve barely had any time to ruminate about it all.
Before my two-year break, I had been violently punched in the face by anxiety. I let it gently kick me for so long I guess a greater beating was in order, so it could finally make its point. And beat I was. Burnout will do that to you. This time I couldn’t get back up. So with whatever little gas I had left I crawled up to my couch and turned off the lights. And I’ve been sitting here all this time, channeling my inner cat. Ask me about any show on Netflix and Prime Video.
Of course, I had to continue paying the bills, feeding myself and keeping the roof over my head. But that was it. No more chasing after unicorns outside or behind the screen of my phone. That is what most of us are doing nowadays, searching for answers out there. There is nothing wrong with doing that, but it should be the exception, not the rule. Have you given yourself the time to think about what you want, or what you need?
In a prior story about career denial and that big punch in the face, I mentioned panic attacks finally moved me to take action. But I didn’t mention the process has taken me two years. In my defense (and to my surprise), it only took me a week to quit my job and find a new one in a field I had been dreaming about, despite zero prior experience. But you don’t need another story about how miracles do happen if you look in the right places, or are desperate enough. In any case, finding that new job was just part of the process.
The thing is that by taking action, I meant more than aimlessly searching for satisfying things to do. I meant also that we must stop running the rat race. And to do this we need the obvious (granted, it is hard as hell). We need time off so we can mend the broken pieces, and listen to what the self really needs. However, no matter how hard it is, we can’t expect to suddenly turn things around when we’ve been going at 100 mph, on the wrong lane, for years.
Sure it is invigorating to hear stories of defeat and conquest. I have a few and I feel proud of them. But don’t let them be the only rules to measure your own life. If you need two weeks of marathon-watching Game of Thrones before you can accomplish anything, so be it. If you need four years, it’s ok too. By some people’s standards, this might be a waste of precious time. But for you, right this moment, it might be the one thing that will save you from insanity. You’ll be surprised, many extraordinary things might become visible. Things that might have been in front of you all along and you didn’t have the time to see them. No one but you can know what (or how long) it takes to find your mojo.
So go ahead, lean back and feel good about it. After all, it’s about time you started being yourself.
